never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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