So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize