WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
