What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
