I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
