i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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