What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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