I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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