but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
