you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize