my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
