and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
