How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you traded sex for a burrito?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
