Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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