I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
