I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
time to smoke my breakfast
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
