A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm always down for nudity.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
