i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
