So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I checked into jail on foursquare
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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