Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
