I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
