i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
