Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
