i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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