It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
