Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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