That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
