i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
