i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Randomize
