you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
