You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
