this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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