i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
