If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
