it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
