I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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