Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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