i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
NoShamevember. You game?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
