I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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