did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You are a genius and a whore.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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