Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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