My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I think my moral compass just broke
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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