i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
