I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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