you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize