Plan B is the new Plan A
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
