Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
that is very illegal...i love you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
