I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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