Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
