she is the kim kardashian of front butts
two words...techno handjob
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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