I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
