I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
