I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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