My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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