dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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