"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
