There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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