Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
