WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
