There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
