How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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