You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
