I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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