I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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