Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think I am morally bankrupt
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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