She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
