**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
