I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
