So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
