Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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