I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
