We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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