Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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