Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
