just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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