And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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