I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize