somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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