I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
