Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
