On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
