the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize