you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
