So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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