HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize