So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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