We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
