Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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