is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
