Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize