I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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