I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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