Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
