She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
